James Harden: the Man, the Cake, the Legend

Looks like another cake has been made in the image of James Harden (looks like him to me). It's kind of weird that that's not the only cake made in effigy of James Harden this year as we reminisce about this photo of the 1st ( of many hopefully) Harden cake:

This guy was kind of interesting before since he has a beard and was a pretty decent player but this summer he's really a established himself as not only a great basketball player (except in the finals, that was tough) but also as a player worthy of being sculpted in pastries. I don't know about you guys but James Harden is quickly becoming one of my favorite players on and off the court.

It may not be a championship or a fat new contract, but this has to make James still feel pretty good. Who knows maybe he could be the subject of the Cake Wars for one show, or by the way it's going maybe even a whole season, out of the deal?  Keep an open mind James, you never know where this is gonna go...


(Thanks to @yourmandevine for sharing the new cake photo, funny dude)

Great Postgame Interviews #1 Metta World Peace aka "Ron Ron"

Metta World Peace aka Ron Artest

These two clips together represent Ron Artest’s aka Metta World Peace’s 2010 post game after winning the Championship. There are so many great moments it is almost kind of hard to wrap your mind around them all from the shout out to his psychiatrist to not answering a question until 4 minutes into the interview to randomly trying to get some love from some people on their laptops. Funny how Metta is disappointed that they aren’t as excited as he is about him winning a ring (except for that one girl reporter). It is almost like Metta is playing an overly exaggerated Metta World Peace, like an actor over playing a part. I have to say, I really liked the second question the first reporter asked Metta. It is a funny running gag that we should incorporate into every Metta World Peace post game. Say Queensbridge Metta, say Queensbridge.

Harrison Barnes Will Preform At Your Your Next Children's Party

These photos are too funny not to share. I always like when these guys don't take themselves too seriously and also if you haven't noticed I'm a big fan of children's literature with the whole kids book reviews ( again feel free to rip on me in the comments, I'm secure enough).

I have to think though this must be some sort of rookie hazing because Harrison looks a little less than happy to be the the Cat in the Hat. Not a very believable portrayal, Harrison. Get into character, who is the Cat in the Hat and what motivates him?  Maybe call Mike Meyers for some insight on how he portrayed the Cat in the Hat and just do the exact opposite.   If you're going to go all out and dress up as the Cat in the Hat complete with face makeup, you might want to try giving a LITTLE effort.

Great Post Game Interveiws #2: Zaza Pachulia

Zaza Pachulia

Personally I love it when Zaza grabs the mic away from the reporter, but of course the “nothing easy, game seeeeevvvvveeeennnnnn!!!!!!” is the climax of the video. But then after then natural ending point, he goes on to awkwardly tell his fans he loves then and he will miss then and he will “feel” them in game 7 (that’s a little personal Zaza….). Awwwww, how sweet. Be sure to get us something in Boston, will ya Zaza? I just think he was happy to see a building full of people and took his chance to finally be heard. The world is a better place because of it Zaza. “NOTHING EASY, NOTHING EASY!!!!!!”

"In The Paint" By Patrick Ewing Book Review

In The Paint (a pun on being a painting book, and also Patrick Ewing being the “author.” I'm sure Tas Melas would love this.) is a children's activity book that features children's art and ideas to help inspire children to create works of art on their own. The book features assistant coach for the Magic and rejected Bobcat head coach candidate, Patrick Chewing, I mean Ewing. Even though Patrick Ewing is billed as the main author of this book, all he really does is write the introduction to the book and give you a little background information on his interest in art. Additionally throughout the book you get tidbits of information into Patrick's soul such as he likes to use the color green in his paintings. Though Patrick does admit that he is PROBALY a better basketball player than an artist (I disagree, have you seen Patrick Ewing's painting that made it on a credit card? That's what all real artists aspire to. Also, his acting career which features Space Jam, Senseless, Spin CIty, Herman’s Head, Funny About Love, and Webster. All classics Patrick.), he also mentions that his teammates are purchasing his paintings as they think they will be valuable collector's items in the future. (So that's what Anthony Mason was doing with the money he didn't pay in taxes).

The book primarily displays the artwork of children, and a paragraph or two scattered on the page to help inspire kids to make works on their own. Though the book jumps around quite a bit, it's not necessarily bad for an activity/art book since you often won't be working through the whole book in one sitting. Patrick Ewing plays a very small part occasionally showing up in a picture or two, but that's about it. (Apparently he has bigger hands of the children involved in the paintings. Go figure). The book covers fundamental painting advice like texturing, primary colors, mixing colors, etc. Patrick also likes painting because he thinks he can make a mistake (This book WAS published right after the Knicks lost in the 1999 finals hoping that this book would be more gratifying than some silly old championship anyway). One thing that's concerning is the text appears all over the book and could be difficult for a child to follow along in its chaotic order. They did a good job when they addressed how to make the color of your own skin with paints. They were able to incorporate diversity without seeming preachy at all, which can be difficult to do. Some of the texts for the paintings strike me as funny and you can tell are genuinely from children. Like this one for the painting titled false teeth:

“I started with this leaf I made. Then I put it sticking up and the design inside was like teeth and a head. Then I started mixing blues to put it someone. See all of the blues? I call it false teeth.” –Zach, 8 years old

In summary, it's actually a pretty good hands-on book it may also be a little easier for certain readers to want to read the book since it also stars a sport’s celebrity. It's a little too long and over the place, but for a children's book by a NBA player is really not that bad at all. It is not as embarrassing as a Mugsy Bouges block or Scottie Pippen dunk, but isn’t a member of the Dream Team either. (I was disappointed that Patrick wasn’t wearing his Harry and Larry t-shirt as a smock.) This book is about as exciting as when he got to coach his son for a summer, glad to have been a part of it but a little disappointing. I would like to see more participation from Patrick Ewing and a tighter format and more structure in the book. 

The State of Indiana Says "Screw You, Ours is Bigger" to Los Angeles

The news of Kareem Abdul Jabbar finally getting his statue he's wanted so badly must have spurred the state of Indiana to "match & raise you" in the hypothetical poker game that is NBA player statues. Indiana State University, Bird's Alma Mater, has approved a 15 ft (about 4.5 meters) bronze statue of Larry Legend after an anonymous donor ( you're not supposed to donate to your own statue, Larry) & university reached agreement on the artist. The sculptor, Larry Wolfe consciously made the Larry Bird statue larger than Magic Johnson's.

The Sculptor with how big he orginally wanted the statue with Indiana as a scale.

“I don’t have anything against Magic,” Wolfe said.
“Larry is just better,” Wolfe then said in unison with Jack Fox, director of development for the Indiana State University Foundation.

(those guys have such good timing together maybe they should start their own barber shop quartet like Homer Simpson did.) Them's fightin' words Indiana, I wouldn't be surprised if Los Angeles ramped up their schedule and announced a 30 foot bronze statue of Kobe Bryant tomorrow. The only problem is the state of Indiana seems to all be on the same page... This should be a good showdown of "who has the biggest statue" contest. Come on you two, don't be little petty boys about this. Remember,  it's not the size of the statue but what you DO with it.

( after hearing about Los Angeles's 30 foot statue of Kobe, Indiana is immediately working on approving a fifty foot statue of Reggie Miller. )

Great Postgame Interviews #3 : Kevin Garnett

 

Kevin Garnett

After looking at a lot of funny KG post game moments, this one has to be my favorite. From forgetting he is in an interview to talking about bar fights to hitting on Craig Sager (and he isn’t even in one of his best suits). This is just classic KG right here and he is definitely not lying about Charles being in a bar fight before. Maybe this funny Kevin Garnett interview might even inspire a new generation to make funny post game interviews for years to come. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a New Crew in the NBA: Meet the Sesame Street Gang

In addition to being a HUGE Noodles and Company fanatic, it looks like Kenneth Faried has started a new trend and is trying to put a crew together. Looks like he's already recruited one member in JaVale McGee. Mother's lock up your daughters when you see a dude in a cookie monster hat come through. When all the tough guys & thugs see a dude in a fuzzy blue hat walk by, they know better than to mess with them. I wonder who will be the Sharks to their Jets in the NBA...? Maybe the Dahntay Jones & Ray Allen Human Cat Crew can give them a run for their money...I think they could pick up Alexey Shved with out much trouble.

Sadly, I have a HUGE soft spot for the old Sesame Street & think these are kinda cool. Also they are comfortable enough with themselves to  pull it off is pretty cool to me. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments for this. (here is my signed Sesame Street Live poster, all the puppets totally signed it but Ernie since he thought he was too good....fame changes people.Wow..,he used to be a nice guy but now he's changed...)

Great Postgame Interviews #5: Glen "Big Baby" Davis

(quick shout out to @youngpepdash for the idea)

 Glen Davis

Man, I think Glen and Nate got into the wrong business. They seemed more like a comedy team doing a routine than basketball players for that interview (Did anyone else notice that Nate was playing the role of the straight man and Glen was the wacky one? Good planning guys.). A few of my favorite moments were:
If Phil Jackson does have anything to say, then neither does Big Baby Davis, basketball or just life. Maybe Glen should have stayed out of huddles to get his zen on, not Andrew Bynum.

Big Baby Davis felt ”like a beast.”

I like that he said that he couldn’t be denied twice.

I didn’t realize Big Baby was so touching with Nate, it almost looked like he was going to start giving him a full bro-ssage.

I think Big Baby was a little confused by the 6 point rule.

Man, Big Baby is touchy! He wants to hug doc after massaging Nate!

Apparently Shrek is a little of a drooler according to Nate and Glen and this picture shows.

Carlos Boozer's Bathroom Attire: A Jersey and...Police...Hat?

The rumor was Carlos Boozer couldn't use the john without his trusty police officer hat. When he was caught on picture using it, he tried to buy off the the paparazzi with a kiss. It worked for the most part, but this one still leaked. That's two things to work on during the off season: his post game & his kiss game.

Just One More James Harden Picture...(okay two more)

We may have found out that James Harden isn't a pimp & was actually at an dress in all-white yacht party  (you know just like you & your friends typically do).I hope it was something like the Booze Cruise ( no, it wasn't just Carlos Boozer on a boat) episode of the Office. And judging from the pictures & tweets about it, it might have even been better.


But I ask you this question...James Harden: thug playboy or all around nice guy?

Still Time to Go Golfing With J.R. Smith But You Have To Hurry…Wait, GOLF?

Today is the sixth annual golf classic at the Eagle Ridge golf course with JR SMITH??? (he made them include his brother in his deal, just like the Knicks) While it's not abnormal for NBA players to become interested in golf, JR Smith seems to be one of the more peculiar players to become interested. It's not every day when you see a golfer who is also a member of the bloods. Maybe it's me but I just don't see gang members playing golf go hand-in-hand often. Apparently JR Smith even has dreams to participate in as celebrity tour where he plans to get his Tiger Woods on. It looks like JR Smith became interested in golfing due to the Wii (like all great golfers did) and then once he participated in Rashard Lewis golf outing and hit a good shot, he became hooked.

Maybe He’s just trying to set it up so he can finally be called earl like he wants again. Earl Smith, the golfer has a certain prestigious ring to it, like he’s English royalty or a business executive. But you never know with JR Smith, you could just be trying to mess with us like he did this sideline reporter. Good for him, and Who knows it may even help him with his basketball game as he is quoted as saying "The most important thing you have to have is self-discipline. I think golf teaches you that," Well if that’s the case JR, I don’t think Golf is going to be your thing since your pretty much the most inconsistent player in the NBA. Plus you’re not very disciplined with your Twitter account either. Apparently he’s doing something right since he’s hitting an 85 in two month with no lessons. He must have logged A LOT of Wii Golf time. With all this said: Never change, JR, NEVER CHANGE.

(and don’t worry too much if you don’t make the golf outing, you might be able to go bike riding with him tonight)
 

Review of Chris Paul's Children's Book "Long Shot"

As someone with a background in Children's Lit & a huge NBA basketball fan, I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic in particular. As a result of this I decided to put together a review of CP3's book Basketball Only Funnier style.

Long Shot by Chris Paul (& someone else, Maybe someone  drew the pictures too, but mostly CP3)

(Grades 1-4, and apparently one 28 year old) From the beginning, I had questions about this book. It starts off with Michael Jordan? (Isn’t this CP3’s book?) As MJ gets double teamed, he sees lightning fast eight year old Chris Paul (there he is!) driving to the lane and shooting a jumper, even though the illustration clearly shows him going up for a dunk. This is a common boy’s fantasy, which is good since it draws in some reluctant readers. However, everyone knows that CP3 would have flopped and whipped his head back in the air like he had been shot. At LEAST, he would have given them a one way trip to Bangkok to get some more space to shoot the jumper.

The plot of the book is centered around Chris Paul’s diminutive height and how he overcame the obstacle (Which explains Paul’s firey attitude, since he seems to have a bit of Napoleon Complex. We see you overcompensating Chris Paul.). However, this book’s plot seems similar to the story “Salt in His Shoes: Michael Jordan in Pursuit of a Dream” which I would recommend over this book all day. Even CP3’s brother, CJ, tells him he is smaller than a basketball. Nice zing CJ, but Jimmy Kimmel has you beat. Too bad Chris didn’t know the “Blake face” then. After some support from his family (they’re close, but not that close), he trains harder to get ready to make the team. SPOILER ALERT! When Chris does finally make the team, they congratulate him and Chris’ dad puts his hand on the back of Chris’ head (so that’s what Pau was doing, he just wanted to be CP3's dad).

The book is choppily written and the tone neither serves as a good read-a-loud or individual read. I particularly do not like the illustrations, which are done in acrylic paint. They remind me of an underfunded, crappy cartoon on PBS that is overly sentimental (though I do appreciate the illustrator having lines shaved into the side of the black character’s hair, which was stylin’ back in the day). Additionally, the proportions are odd in this book, especially the enormous sized hands on many of the characters (which are really creepy). The book doesn’t really stand out as the illustrations and story has been better executed before making this story seem trite even for a children’s book.

 Funny, it’s not like he wasn’t going to grow to be six feet at least, which is still tall enough to make the NBA (Hasn’t he ever heard of puberty?). That first team he made must have really made him the player he was today. It wouldn’t have been all bad if he didn’t make the cut though, since he still had a chance to become a professional athlete (boxing or bowling).
Leave some feedback & let me know if you want to see more of these or have a particular NBA player's book you'd like to see reviewed.

James Harden Moonlighting As A Pimp?

This might be one of the funniest photos I've seen in a while. From the awesome gold chain, to the pimp hat, to the ladies of the night, to the fact he poppin' bottles this just seems so unlike him which makes it even better. I can't decide what story line is better, James Harden biggest hipster of the NBA, is moonlighting as a pimp or this is just his idea of a good time. Considering the two recent commercials & Olympic gold medal, I suspect it's the latter but its funny to think of HIM making his stable of ho's all wear white. But I guess if even Toni Kukoc is involved in a prostitution ring, all bets are off. Your call...leave me your thoughts in the comments. 

Family Feud: NBA Players VS NBA Moms

Take a look at this great Family Feud episode featuring NBA Players VS Their Moms: 

First off, it is kind of weird match up for Family Feud, but whatever gets ratings I guess. After watching this episode here are a few things that I took away…

DO NOT GO TO CATTINO MOBLEY’S MOM IN THE CLUTCH!

All of the other Players didn’t care for David Lee and all of the Moms didn’t care for Mrs. Lee either. I guess they aren’t a popular family. At the end, no one wanted to dance with poor old David Lee when they won the $20,000. He’s totally going to talk crap about how catty the other guys were to him to Jeremy Lin during their next lunch date.

All the Players went PC with the “What’s the friendliest US city” question, except Richard Jefferson, he knew better than to pick New Jersey. And seriously, how are L.A. and New York the friendliest cities in the US? P.S. Awesome that the Moms picked Philadelphia. Way to keep a sense of humor Moms.

Chris Bosh is disturbingly good at Family Feud.

The best part though is when Dwight put on his sunglasses for the last game. I couldn’t think of a more Dwight Howard thing to do in that circumstance.

REPEAT: DO NOT GO TO CATTINO MOBLEY’S MOM IN THE CLUTCH!

Can You Canoe, Russell Westbrook?

Foot Locker is officially ON FIRE, NBA Jam style with three great commercials in a row with this one featuring Chris Bosh, Russell Westbrook, James Harden, and Kevin Love:

Funny stuff Foot Locker, but something doesn't ring true about this commercial as the last couple did. Chris Bosh would never ask what was up with the canoe or the yacht, he'd ask when it was his turn next knowing how goofy he is. How is Russell going to see without his signature glasses without lenses. I also feel like considering James Harden's last commercial he would be a little bit more care free about keeping his clothes dry. I guess that beard just must be really absorbent and difficult to get dry. Six years guys? Imagine if they spent the same amount of time working on their game as blowing up yachts. Guess you gotta get your priorities straight. But mostly, I am just surprised Chris Bosh already isn't splashing in the water. Totally unrealistic.

5 NBA Players You DON’T Want to Hang With: Gilbert Arenas

Gilbert Arenas

Gilbert Arenas is a bit an odd character, to put it mildly. If you were to have to hang out with Gilbo, he’d pull up in a wizards robe motioning for you to get in. As you sit in the front seat , you feel a squish and the smell of crap. Gilbert starts laughing wildly “Got ya!” Very funny, Gil… “Don’t worry, I got a spare set of clothes for you at my place.” When he shows you his closet you are absolutely amazed to see he has over 200+ jersey’s, mostly signed. Gil says “Oh, I got a special one for you over here.” , he throws you a Wizards jersey. When you finish changing, he says he needs to stop & meet up with the kid he has been mentoring.
Along the way, Gilbert insists on stopping at a hardware store and starts planking on everything and making you take pictures. You notice that people are starting to laugh at you & wondering why you look the back of the jersey he gave you, an obscenity stares back at you as you hear Gil laughing in the background. You turn around & Gilbert is pooping in one of the toilets in the store Jackass style like the picture above. The store calls for security & Gilbert grabs you and pulls you to his car. Gilbert lets out a sigh of relief, “Lucky, they didn’t catch us. I would like to see them come at me.” He says as he flashes you a handgun.

Finally meeting his mentee at a fast food place, Gilbert ends up talking about his 25th birthday party, Arenas Express, to death. As you come back from the washroom (honestly just to get away from Gilbert for a couple of minutes), you sit down & hear a familiar squish. Gilbert is smiling from ear to ear and , with a tear in his eye, says “I’ve taught you well, young one.” After that terrible experience, you find that Gilbert was tweeting pictures & poking fun at you the whole evening. That’s okay, just call Shaq up. He’ll know how to get back at Gilbert.

Funny James Harden/Russell Westbrook And Carmelo Anthony Commercials

I know the last couple of posts have been commercial related (apparently its commercial week all of a sudden)  but this James Harden Tear Away is too good not to share with you guys (the beard bit is pretty clever):

Funny I guess I always saw Russ as more of a Grey Poupon guy myself. Duly noted, Russ. Plus this Carmelo Anthony is very fitting considering he's the only guy who's awesome (by awesome I mean self centered) enough to say "You know what the world needs more of? ME!" 

Haven't you seen Multiplicity Melo? This isn't going to end well especially if they decide to ball. Five Melo's and only one basketball is a recipe for disaster.  

5 NBA Players You DON’T Want to Hang With Jimmer Fredette

Jimmer Ferdette

Another guy that would totally kill your weekend is Jimmer Fredette. If you had to meet up with him he’d invite you over to his house to have a meal with he & his wife, Whitney. Jimmer & his wife are dressed in the clothes above. Whitney has prepared a roast in the oven & brings you boys our some lemonade while she gets dinner ready. Jimmer Sits back in his chair & lights a pipe like a typical 50’s dad. He shows you pictures him he & Justin Timberlake back in the day & pictures of his summer softball league. He also tells you about his failed sitcom pitch “My Jimmer!” He asked you to pick a song from his iPod and the song “Amazing “, the song about him by his brother, is the only thing he has on it. He asks you to meet him next week for a game of pick up ball which you agree to. He says “Great! See you in prison next week!” What have you gotten yourself into?

You hear a knock at the door & Shawn Bradley comes waltzing in. Whitney says, “Great everyone is here now!” & calls you all to the table. Whitney soon exclaims that she knew Jimmer was the right guy when she knew she could bring him home to mom. After dinner, Shawn & Jimmer talk bible for the next three hours, making it seem like Sunday school all over again. When you tweet about your experience, you find 157 hate messages in your interactions. 

Latest Derrick Rose Ad: The Return of Derrick Rose

Here's the latest Adidas ad starring Derrick Rose (This is still my favorite one) . As a big Bulls fan it's pretty inspirational to see D Rose rehabilitate after the devastating ACL tear.Though I think it would be a whole lot less interesting watching him rehab without the intense music & montage.  But even I think that Derrick may have been a little over dramatic when he said that "it was the closest to death I've got to right there."  

If you didn't already know, Adidas's two major sponsorships in the NBA are with Dwight Howard & Derrick Rose (other than Joel Przybilla of course). Interesting to me that they went with Derrick Rose, the unassuming quiet kid that was considered difficult to market not so long ago, over Dwight Howard, the Gregorius goofy GIGANTICALLY marketable personalty. We all know that Dwight's public relations have taken a slip due to the "Dwightmare" (for obvious reasons), but what's even more astonishing is Derrick Rose's rise to one of the most popular NBA players...I guess winning an MVP does that for you. I guess it's your turn, Dwight. That would certainly do a lot to help repair your reputation.

Just do me a favor Derrick, don't mention being "all in". That brings back the 2011 White Sox memories. Good to know they are spending the money they make with the Bulls wisely...good job guys!

5 NBA Players You DON’T Want to Party With: DeShawn Stevenson

DeShawn Stevenson

You never know what is going to happen next when hanging out with DeShawn Stevenson, but you can always be sure it is not going to end well (like a really gross box of chocolates). If you had to hang out with DeShawn, he would invite you over for a “friendly” game of cards. When you arrive at his house, it turns out to be a lot more high stakes then you thought, initially only bringing $50. DeShawn, in his Dirk shirt, insists this isn’t a problem, and brings you to his kitchen when his ATM lies. Taking out what is left in your account (which turns out to be a mistake since the $4.50 triggers an overdraft fee), you walk meagerly back to the table. Turns out he invited Soulja Boy who LOVES to play Blind Man’s Bluff. Before you can say anything, you are handed your card and after a round or two you realize you have lost all your money to DeShawn (turns out he isn’t the most academically gifted, with an SAT score of 450, but he sure knows how to play Blind Man’s Bluff). 

You decide to drink your sorrows away and soon black out. You awaken in a jail cell, while DeShawn sitting next to you, says “crazy night homie, but at least you got a DOPE tattoo!!”’ You look in the grimy prison mirror to see a $2 bill tattoo on your neck staring back at you (eerily close to DeShawn’s own neck tattoo). Lesson? NEVER party with a guy who has an ATM in his house.