5 NBA Players You DON’T Want to Party With: DeShawn Stevenson

DeShawn Stevenson

You never know what is going to happen next when hanging out with DeShawn Stevenson, but you can always be sure it is not going to end well (like a really gross box of chocolates). If you had to hang out with DeShawn, he would invite you over for a “friendly” game of cards. When you arrive at his house, it turns out to be a lot more high stakes then you thought, initially only bringing $50. DeShawn, in his Dirk shirt, insists this isn’t a problem, and brings you to his kitchen when his ATM lies. Taking out what is left in your account (which turns out to be a mistake since the $4.50 triggers an overdraft fee), you walk meagerly back to the table. Turns out he invited Soulja Boy who LOVES to play Blind Man’s Bluff. Before you can say anything, you are handed your card and after a round or two you realize you have lost all your money to DeShawn (turns out he isn’t the most academically gifted, with an SAT score of 450, but he sure knows how to play Blind Man’s Bluff). 

You decide to drink your sorrows away and soon black out. You awaken in a jail cell, while DeShawn sitting next to you, says “crazy night homie, but at least you got a DOPE tattoo!!”’ You look in the grimy prison mirror to see a $2 bill tattoo on your neck staring back at you (eerily close to DeShawn’s own neck tattoo). Lesson? NEVER party with a guy who has an ATM in his house.