Coolest Jobs after NBA #4

Wayman Tisdale

I don't typically think of power forwards as the artistic type, but Wayman Tisdale was a dedicated smooth jazz/funk musician after his NBA career. If you don't believe me take a listen right here. Though I'm not a necessarily a huge jazz fan, Utah or otherwise, I can definitely appreciate the effort he put into his music. If you don't like it at first, maybe you should look at his advertisement. He seemed like an interesting dude, even if one or two of his guest appearances are kinda strange. Unfortunately when he was 44, Wayman passed after dealing with major medical issues. In his short life, Wayman has done more than some in two lives. Who knew funk musicians and basketball go hand-in-hand? somebody should've drafted George Clinton...

NBA Animal Comparisons

With Andrei Kirilenko saying he runs like a young deer yesterday after Russia’s game, I decided to look at other NBA players in the league to compare them to the animal world as well.





1. Chris Paul flops like a scared opossum. 

2. Dahntay Jones has the face of a tiger (Or wait is that Ray Allen?)

3. Metta World Peace drinks like a thirsty fish. (which explains his erratic behavior & crazy tweets)

4. Nick Young dresses like a flamboyant peacock.

5. Thaddeus Young can disappear like a chameleon.

6. Eddy Curry jumps like an old rhinoceros.

7. Dwight flip flops like a mudskipper.

8. Emeka Okafor eats like a horse.

9. John Salmons (ironically) plays like a bear. (Hibernates all winter just to come alive in spring)

10. Carlos Boozer screams like a howler monkey.


Have a funny comparison to animal world? Feel free to share with the rest of us! Never enough basketball jokes in the world.

An Olympic Record For Hugs

            

If you watched the end of the United States vs. France basketball game yesterday, you saw first lady, Michelle Obama, give a little love to all the players on the team in the form of a hug (apparently she is a big fan of Kobe Bryant, not so much with Tyson Chandler). Since it was so well received, Team USA has planned for the team to be greeted by someone at the end of every Olympic game. Below is the list from Team USA.

Tunisia- Charlie the Tuna

After the United States handedly beats Tunisia, Team USA is excited to get their hugs. They had planned for the team to meet Charlie the Tuna since they didn’t know anything about Tunisia (seriously, who does?). Unfortunately, on his way to the stadium, Charlie hits his head and forgets everything, developing amnesia. Sad they couldn’t meet him, seeing as he has a case of Tun-esia.  






Nigeria- Nigerian President’s son

After the game verses Nigeria, the team is set to meet the President of Nigeria’s son. The players are told who he is and Russell Westbrook says “Whoa, a Nigerian Prince? I’m not falling for that again! I was supposed to give them $100 and they were supposed to give me $10000 and I’m STILL waiting for that money! “After Russ gives his impassioned speech, the players follow behind him and leave the bewildered boy on the side lines, not wanting to be scammed themselves. 


 

Lithuania – Prime Minister Andrius Kubilius

Andrius Kubilius, Prime Minister of Lithuania, is set to shake hands with the team following the game (who also has this clip on infinity repeat in his house). As he starts to shake Chris Paul’s hand, the first player who makes it to the side lines, his voice gets noticeably higher, and he starts to hyperventilate. He starts screaming each player’s individual name and saying how great they are as basketball players. At first, the guys are a little flattered, but it is soon starting to get a little too much. The players start backing away as the Prime Minister goes to his knees and starts crying with joy. As they are leaving, the can hear the Lithuanian team say, “I hate when he does that every time he meets a basketball team.” Just don’t park illegally in his country, they take it pretty seriously.





Argentina – Ricky Martin

Amazingly, Ricky Martin (yes, that Ricky Martin) is cast as Che Guevara in a new Broadway production of “Evita”. (This is the role Ricky was BORN for we all always thought of Ricky Martin as a Marxist Rebel type, right?) So, after the toughly contested game the players are greeted by Ricky in full Che getup. Ricky gives each player a kiss on the cheek as it is traditional European greeting. Carmelo is glowing as he brought his Ricky Martin CD’s to get autographed. Things get a just a little weird though when Ricky starts patting guys on the butt as if to say “good game” a little too eagerly. I guess they were afraid to Live La Vita Loca.



 

Quarterfinals: Russia- Mikhail Prokhorov

After beating the Russians, Mikhail Prokhorov is there to congratulate the players as an NBA owner. Each player shakes the hand of the large, Acid washed jeans wearing, kickboxing loving Russian. He has a special message for Deron Williams & tells him the his birthday bash will be even bigger & badder next year, causing Deron to smile from ear to ear (we all know that’s why he really stayed not the money, B-day’s are BIG days for Deron). After talking a little big about being rich & jet skis, Prokhorov says, “I like you guys. Wrap them them up! I’ll take all of them, me & the Jay-Z will be winning all of the time now!!!”






Semifinals: Brazil-Carnival Girls

By far the player’s favorite post game hugs session. All the players were excited to hug the girls (even though it was hard to get around some of the costumes) except Anthony Davis was noticeably keeping his distance. As the girls make it down to his way, Davis turns bright red & runs to the locker room. It seems that with his young age & inexperience, Anthony had a “come up & solve the math problem” moment. These things happen Anthony, perhaps this video will help?






Finals: Spain- Barrack Obama

After the hard earned win, the players are overcome with joy. The USA started with an Obama & wanted to end with one as well. Racing to the sidelines they meet up with President Barrack Obama who gives them a handshake & a bro hug. If you look close enough, you can see Barrack slip each player their passport back to them. Guess Kobe wasn’t joking around about losing their citizenship if they didn’t come back with the gold…at least he didn’t threaten to never see their families again…

Coolest Jobs after NBA #5

Yao Ming

After playing basketball for essentially his entire adult life, what did he Yao Ming do after he retired? Make wine of course. The Chinese born Center has apparently done pretty well since the wines he has released have both received a 97/100 and 95/100. For a little under $300 a bottle, it better be good (just don't try to pay with checks , he’s had bad luck with them). However just like in basketball, Yao Ming cannot be stopped in the wine world. Pretty soon he'll be selling it online, so don't be like a baby and try some today, it is great with shrimp! I think the guy at about 3:45 mark had a bit too much of Yao’s wine. I just hope it doesn't have to go head-to-head against Lil’ Jon’s wine, things could get ugly.

Worst Money Managers #1

Dennis Rodman

Though Dennis Rodman is one of the best rebounders of all time, he wasn’t able to rebound to normal life after he left the NBA. Dennis was always a party animal and continued that lifestyle post his NBA career. As a result, Dennis is “broke and sick” and even faced jail time.  This one hurts me the most since The Worm always seemed like such a good dude and is one of my favorite players.  I have to be honest though, seeing videos like this and this don’t make me feel THAT bad for him. I mean, the dude had a blowout birthday party more than 2 months after his birthday. Maybe Dennis can turn it around, crazier things have happened.  I think Dennis spent all his money on tiger dresses and cigars. Should have stayed with Madonna...

Ten Games To Look Forward To This Season

Now that the NBA schedule has come out, lets take a look at a few can’t miss days. What game are you looking forward to most? Let me know what you think of my picks, did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.

Celtics @ Heat - 10/30/12
Not only is this a revisit of the Eastern Conference Finals matchup, these teams have bad blood. Especially, since one of the “Big 3”, Ray Allen, is now on the Heat. The NBA knows
what they are doing on opening night.

Wizards @ Cavaliers - 10/30/12
See, I told you! NBA totally knows what they are doing!! I can’t wait to see these teams, who may or may not make the playoffs, battle it out on one of the most important games of the season!!! (I am kinda excited to see the two backcourts go at it….)

Thunder @ Spurs – 11/1/12
In my opinion, the most entertaining series of last year’s playoffs was this one. I am excited to see two serious minded teams play basketball the RIGHT way. It truly is a beautiful thing.

Knicks @ Nets - 11/1/12
A little cross town rivalry is always good for competition. With the Nets just moving into the New York area, there’ll be a battle for fans even on the opening game. It is going to be interesting to see how the crowd reacts. This should be a toughly contested game.

Clippers @ Lakers 11/2/12
Remember when I said a little cross town rivalry is good for competition? Now that these two teams both have serious talent, this should be a good matchup.

Magic @ Nets (Only if Dwight plays in that game) – 11/11/12
If you don’t know why, Google Dwight Howard news.

 

Rockets @ Knicks – 12/17/12
With all the controversy around Jeremy Lin signing an offer sheet and eventually a contract, I am looking forward to the Knicks’s fans booing Jeremy Lin for not very good reasons. It is sad seeing one of the most exciting things that happened to your team leave suddenly for nothing, but I think the onuses is on management for letting emotion cloud their judgment. I know the list is a little New York heavy, with the Knicks and the Nets appearing multiple times, but there are some good story lines coming out of there.

Lakers @ Phoenix – 1/30/13
For the very opposite reason that I am looking forward to/dreading the last game, it will be great to see Nash return home to his Phoenix fans. I expect a warm and emotional welcome. They may not be so excited to see him for the next matchup…

Heat @ Thunder - 2/14/13
Tell your sweetie that you are booked for Valentine’s Day, because this is last year’s final matchup and might very well be this year’s as well. Make sure to get her something good to make up for it, but trust me, it’ll be worth it.

Bucks @ Golden State - 3/9/13
I am sure Monta Ellis is looking to prove himself again and show the Bucks that they made the wrong choice trading him away. With the large trade that happened between these two teams last year, seeing these guys go at their old teams is going to be awesome.

Derrick Rose’s First Game Back - Your Guess Is As Good As Mine (☹ Bulls fans)
With the injury Derrick Rose suffered in last year’s playoff opener, I am really looking forward to when/if Derrick Rose makes his return (though it may not mean as much, since it usually takes athletes about 2 years to become full strength). Seeing Derrick Rose play will give some indication upon his future effectiveness. Get use to seeing a lot of this Bull’s fans…

Gunfire Breaks Out in Rucker Park, NBA'er Avoids Inury

                                                                      

At the New York City Park made famous for its tournament & NBA player participation, Nate Robinson avoided the gun fire that broke out yesterday in Rucker Park. The reason: A blown call (which makes Rasheed Wallace’s constant complaining seem not so bad). After an argument on the sidelines, shots were fired into the air and then into a crowd. Although Robinson was okay, 5 others were not as lucky as the gun man WALKS away. None of the injuries are serious, but this calls into question the security & safety of NBA players at such events. With all the fame & money surrounding NBA players, we could have another “Where’s Kenyon” moment or worse. I personally like Nate Robinson (funny dude) & after seeing his Instagram, I’m even happier he’s okay. I’m just glad Gilbert Arenas wasn’t there…

Worst Money Managers #2

Antoine Walker


Antoine has had a shaky past when it comes to finances. Though he has made over $110 million dollars in NBA salary alone (not taking into account endorsements), Antoine was reduced to sharing a $915 a month apartment with his teammate on the Idaho Stampede. It has gotten so bad for ‘Toine that he has even had to sell his championship ring. Also, like another member on our list, he was robbed in his home in Chicago. Believe it or not, someone who blew through money that fast had a million dollars in bad checks. It was also said that Walker’s clique that depended on him financially numbered in the 70s. The money didn’t even have time to burn a hole in his pocket Employee #8 was spending it so fast.

Worst Money Managers #3

Eddy Curry


Eddy Curry hasn’t exactly had a successful basketball career, and his money management may be even more suspect. He took an 85% interest loan for $570k in Las Vegas (only place an interest loan like that is legal). In the end, Eddy Curry didn’t pay any of it back even though he was making 10 million dollars a year. What did Eddy spend his fortune on? A private chef, 17k a month RENT for his place in New York, owing Juwan Howard $350k, and $30k on just general stuff every month. No big, ya know, normal stuff. On top of all that, Eddy loses another $10k during a break in (which also happened to another member on this prestigious list). He also took some expensive 3 point shooting lessons from Jay Williams, from what I understand. It’s sad when a lawsuit for whipping it out for your limo driver and breaking an exercise ball are the least of your problems. 

Replacing Team USA: A False Start

Imagine that on their first night in London, LeBron and company decide to celebrate by going out for some local cuisine. Unfortunately, the place they went to served them ill prepared food resulting in the whole team being violently ill and unable to play at the Olympics (must have been some bad Chicken Tikka Masala). The Olympic committee decides to allow the States to pick emergency substitutions. 

Point Guards
Rajon Rondo
Kyrie Irving
John Wall

Shooting Guards
Joe Johnson (he won’t smile until he wins the gold, and even then….)
Eric Gordon

Shooting Forwards
Danny Granger (maybe embarrassing if he travels though)
Rudy Gay

Power Forwards
LaMarcus Aldridge
Josh Smith (though there has been some complaints about too much touching)

Centers
DeMarcus Cousins (there was a push for #cousinsforamerica)
Andrew Bynum (he may not participate in all the huddles, but he will sure help with some Eastern philosophy)
Javael McGee

And the starting 5….
Point Guard: Rajon Rondo
Shooting Guard: Eric Gordon
Shooting Forward: Rudy Gay
Power Forward: LaMarcus Aldridge
Center: DeMarcus Cousins

Who would make the cut on your USA Replacement Team?  Do you agree with my starters? Let me know what you think below.